PLEASE, NO CRYING AT THE DINNER TABLE

Director Carol Nguyen will you have you in tears in a few.

The courage of Canadian-Vietnamese director Carol Nguyen is immeasurable. The 22-year old filmmaker who loves to explores subjects such as cultural identity, family and memory has laid all her cards down with her short film No Crying At the Dinner Table which premiered at last year’s Toronto International Film Festival.

She explores her own family’s identity through interviewing and discussing subjects like love, affection, death and family upbringing. Her mother Thao, father Ngoc and sister Michelle describe their experiences within their family dynamic and history. After they confess their compelling stories to Carol on camera, there is relief from all the tears that you will be shedding. If you are not crying or getting teary-eyed, you are not human.

No Crying at the Dinner Table explores Asian family culture and how much pain is inflicted on them when they emigrate to a new country like Canada. A lot of the reasons that first-generation Canadians do emigrate from their country is to seek opportunity and freedom. That freedom is also from their families that they left behind where there was not much love and affection which Carolyn’s mother expresses.

This continues to the younger half of the family which includes Michelle and Carol. Her sister explains in the film that her parents were never reliable when it came to loving their daughter and showing her that she mattered. They were hard at work and making money and were not overly concerned about Michelle’s well being as she was always told to discuss her matters with her grandparents. Carol’s father was the backbone of the family but when he is asked to open up in the film, he speaks of the death of his uncle like there was no one to console him ever since then.

This intergenerational trauma that Carol Nguyen speaks of and exemplifies in No Crying at the Dinner Table is something that has been silenced for way too long, especially within the Asian culture. How many times was a family matter been swept under a rug, scheduled for another time or simply just forgotten about because things were never approached or handled correctly? This ongoing “they will figure it out” attitude eventually just builds tension within each member of the family that an explosion or implosion happens. Fortunately for Carol and her family, she was able to contain that build-up and rather have expressed on film where it is therapeutically relieving.

Scenes such as Michelle in the bathtub and her mother washing bok-choy in the sink and looking out into the kitchen window are examples of loud silence. It is when the mind is overthinking and analyzing and there are hundreds of voices speaking on top of each other. It is a state of hell with no apparent key out of this dimension. This silence is considered golden within the Asian framework when it comes to matters of the heart. It’s a short-term gain that does not justify the long-time loss.

It begs the question as to why is it so difficult to have these much needed intimate conversations? Does everyone have to go to great lengths like Carol to get their family communicating once again? Why does every family matter have to be approached with such precision especially in Asian culture?

Carol Nguyen is beginning to break those everlasting cultural behaviours within families that are reckless and questionable. It takes a lot of courage to put your own family in front of the camera and have them speak of things that they thought they were incapable of. It was the right thing to do because many of us are relating and looking for answers. A lack of communication is one thing but not trying is another. That first step is sometimes difficult to make and Carol has made it with her family.

No Crying at the Dinner Table is a film that makes a sudden impact on the audience in a short period of time. It is made with a sense of urgency that gives us the hope that family dynamics can change and that family traditions need to broken if dangerous. As with Carol’s family and many others, silence will never resolve matters of the heart. If it means shedding a few tears then so be it because crying is good for you and much weight is lifted from the shoulders. Silence feels like a lifetime in which many of us don’t have.

https://carolnguyenfilms.com/no-crying-at-the-dinner-table